I read an article today, and decided to rename it. Sometimes (too often) I find myself in the position of defending myself or my decisions. After reading this article, I realized it's true - I do waste too much energy on other people and worrying about what they think. They are not my focus. Mom is. I'm not above constructive criticism, but for those who simply try to make me feel bad and not actually do anything to help or offering any other suggestions, you go in my "not my problem" bucket.
Too many doctors blame mother-daughter strife or think Mom has a psychosis or she's just a bitch or I'm just a bitch, or any number of things - as long as they can say it isn't "illness" that causes her behavior and symptoms. I have people tell me "I wouldn't do that" or "you should do this instead" or "have you tried..." and second guess everything I do, or even outright tell me they think I'm doing it wrong. When I offer them Mom, to take her in as their charge, they laugh and say "of course not". These tend to be the people who have not spent any time with her, who don't know her symptoms, who don't know me very well, and who have zero idea of what's going on. They are often the same people who don't bother to lift a finger, yet sit high on their horses and judge. The gist is this:
1. Waiting drains energy - like me waiting for the judgement and the time to defend myself
2. I have to learn to trust my choices - If I know I'm doing right by Mom, it was the right decision.
3. Explaining myself draws focus off of Mom, where it should be.
You can read the full article here.
People need to be less worried about if the decisions I make are what they *would* do if they were in *my* shoes, and think about what they *could* do right now in *their* position. I know they love her, or they wouldn't be reaching for someone to blame for an easy fix to make it all better. I hope more people choose to help Mom instead of judging me.
So how can you help my mom, you ask (I hope)?
Call her. Tell her you love her. Tell her you think about her. Tell her you'd do more if you could (maybe calling is all you can do).
Come visit. Spend time listening to her babble. She loves to babble, but people ignore her. She would be more positive if she had people who showed that they care.
Come help around the house. I can't keep up with this place and her, too. Come help her go through her filing cabinet and toss old papers and organize paid bills. Help her organize her headboard. Small things make her feel accomplished and like she's productive. A little nudging goes a long way.
Pray with her. She has a large print Bible, given to her by a friend, that she likes reading. The caregiver and I try to read psalms to her, but we only have so much time to stand there unproductive. She can always use a hug and a prayer and hope that she'll feel better.
Send a card. Drop a note to her. She'll feel loved and know that people think about her. It just takes a minute of your time and could make her whole day. If you don't have our mailing address, drop me a comment or email address and I'll email it to you.
That's all for now. I have to get back to playing catch up from when Mom was in the hospital. The whole house fell apart and looks like a hurricane hit it. I'm on round 3 of dishes, piles of laundry, litter to change, things to organize and clear out, and I need some coffee. I woke up by my "human alarm clock"...aka hungry Mom. =P
No comments:
Post a Comment