Rough Week

Mom is not doing well. Actually, she is horrible. The Xanax keeps throwing her into panic attacks and instigating HE episodes. We are weaning her off of it, but we have to move so very slowly to avoid withdrawal symptoms that she won't be off of the stuff until well into 2014. She freaked out so much while I was at Rosh Hashanah, even with the secondary caregiver there, I had to call the cops out to talk her down. She was stalker-calling me. Ten seconds was a grace period. Crying, hysterical, terrified, demanding meds and food but not eating and not remembering she had already had her meds. Upset that everyone "blames" her when she doesn't remember doing things. She is having very big issues dealing with losing her mind. Who wouldn't?

She fell again last night. 2something in the morning. She said she was taking a shower and tripped on the tub. The shower is still broken from her big fall last month and she was in her dry pj's, so I'm doubting her story. I'm not sure if she has a concussion. She isn't making sense but is scared and panicky and won't go in voluntarily. This morning around 7, she called me on my cell and asked for Aunt Nola, then swore I called her. She thought we stayed up talking til after 2, but that was my story with my friend and was Friday night/Saturday morning. Then she said she must've heard us talking because she remembers hearing another voice, but I met them away from home. She really is...somewhere else. 

I have a plan. I'm going to ask her doctor to admit her into a rehab ward in the hospital. They will cut her off Xanax entirely, but medicate against withdrawal symptoms) she had seizures last time) and monitor her so that I don't have to worry. I think it'll improve her mental cognition drastically and improve her quality of life with far fewer panic attacks and HE episodes. Her manometry is Tuesday, so we can tackle the swallowing issue, and maybe she will be able to enjoy eating again. We are also moving forward with the Medi-Cal process. I'm hoping that will open doors for her and help is to afford her medical expenses. PLUS I talked to UCLA and there was a little miscommunication between them and the insurance. After getting them talking to each other, I can make an appointment early next week. Woohoo!!

Deep breath. This is just the beginning.