A little worse...

Mom is a little worse now than before. She is losing it mentally again. She can't tell days from nights, and for whatever reason she simply doesn't read anything. She takes medication in the pill holder for whichever day and whichever time and doesn't check to see what day or time it actually IS before she takes it. I've started pulling out the correct day's meds (this pill box allows me to pull out one day - AM/PM - at a time) and leaving them on her calendar to help, but I doubt it will do much good. Her pain meds are still unmonitored and she won't let me control them. She gets violent and angry when I suggest more help is needed. She skipped a whole day's meds on Tuesday because I have a horrible cold and didn't take out that day for her (I regret that I was largely unconscious), and she never thought about it.

Her weight is steady at about 98 lbs, but slowly losing weight over time. She is eating a lot of english muffins, mashed potatoes and roast beef dips. At least the meat has protein. The doctor told her she could drive again if she gains 30 pounds, so at least she has a goal.

She went shopping with my boyfriend and I last week and it had been so long since she shopped herself that she went on a spending spree trying to figure out what else she can buy. If we can get her out of the house and enjoying herself, I think it would go a long way, but right now I'm sick, and nobody is around to help her. I lost my job (again), so I'm at home until I find another one, but that means I'm either looking for a job or working at one, and that means days are long and lonely for her. I wish there was something more I could do to get her out. I wish there was somewhere for her to go with people who care for her and would spend time with her. It makes her so much happier (and so much more pleasant to deal with) when she isn't cooped up in this house day after day.

New Contact Number

FYI: I have a new phone number with unlimited voicemail and I can check it while at work (it emails them to me with transcripts). If you want it, ask and you shall receive. It forwards to my cell phone right now, so don't think of it as just a voicemail service. I'll answer if I can.....but my cell only has so much space for voicemail and it's constantly full and I miss important things, so this is better.

Trying random protein bars for Mom....this time I chose one from Trader Joe's. She won't eat the Special K Meal Bars because she's "not into sweets right now" and they're covered in chocolate. Ensure is out because she says it messes with her sugar levels. Same with Boost. She doesn't want to try Glucerna. We'll keep trying to find things.

Herbalife 110

Mom is stable, but steadily losing weight. She is down to 110 lbs now - about 50 lbs less than she needs to be to keep her strong enough to survive. Her new craving is english muffins and mashed potatoes, both drenched in butter. You'd think the heavy starches and fats would put on weight, but not so far.

She is afraid. She does not want to die. As Western medicine is out of ideas, she is turning to homeopathic and "alternative" medicines. She tried something called Herbalife, which was supposed to be a vitamin-filled powder to help boost the nutrients in her system that she does not absorb from food. I didn't think this would work - I don't believe in things not tested, but beyond that, it didn't make sense to me that she should be able to absorb something from a shake if we know she doesn't absorb the same somethings from regular food. She tried it twice and took it to her liver specialist. Apparently, her liver phosphates are extremely high (above 1000), and this indicates that her liver disease is advancing. Also, the specialist urged her to stop the use of Herbalife and "educated her on the harmful effects" of it (quoted from the report they wanted her to bring to me). They said it has been shown to cause liver failure overseas and that the US has been urging people not to use it, but they can't do much more than that because it's sold as a suppliment and is not under the control of or tested by the FDA.

I ask her to drink almond milk, eat hard-boiled eggs, eat avocados....anything the nutritionist recommended to help her put on weight and get some good proteins and fats into her. She refuses and tells me she's doing everything she can. She is on less medication now than prior to being in hospice's care, but I think that's because her current doctor has neglected her hormone replacement and I do not know the effects of that. I've asked about this, but get no response, and quite honestly, it's harder to fight when you see the end of the battle nearing.

I took a pair of pictures of her a week or so ago. It seems to yank people into reality. For those who haven't seen her recently (even those of us who have...), it might be a rude awakening. If you would like to see them, post a comment with your email address. I will not approve the comment and your email address not be posted, but I will have it to send the pics. I don't want to post them here for anyone to see.