Fortunately, she stayed down after last night's post.
Unfortunately, through all of this, I asked one simple thing of my mother. The request was for both of our protection, and today she broke her promise. This was not due to confusion or weakness. It was deliberate, completely unnecessary, and inconsiderate of my safety and the vulnerability it exposes me to. I can no longer trust her and no longer feel the need to give of myself in the same way she gave herself to my brother and I growing up. For my own protection, I have to step back from this entire process. I am sorry to those who care for her that I can no longer fulfill the role I have been playing for three and a half years. I was betrayed in a way that is irreparable. I cannot express the disappointment and loss I'm feeling, but honestly, I can't say I'm surprised.
I will continue to perform as her hands when she needs them. This will include laying out her medication (if she wishes), rides to doctors and visitors, and cooking, shopping and cleaning where she cannot. I will no longer encourage her to follow doctor's orders and I will no longer feel the need to fulfill every little request, every little craving, every little thing her heart desires. I will update this site if and when she is hospitalized and for those who care for her, but clearly, it will be less often. She is no longer the focus of my life. If you want to know and there's nothing here; call her. I suggest calling the house as she does not know how to operate her cell phone when she is in a confused episode such as this.
I am truly sorry it has come to this.
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